Developed by Ulrich Grannemann
Factual and value conflicts often leave behind injuries on a strong emotional and personal level. "Discount stickers" are applied (see red/blue guys). These are actions or failures which are not forgotten.
If these injuries are not resolved, they poison efforts at new solutions.
Exchanging and working through these points of annoyance is therefore often necessary before starting a working relationship afresh.
To do this, it is necessary not only to look at the annoying or disruptive behaviour of the other person, but to recognise the intent which is behind this behaviour.
Examples:
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Behaviour
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Intent
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Daughter works on the new car with a metallic sponge.
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Daughter wants to help daddy.
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Staff member works slowly.
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He doesn’t want to make any mistakes, wants to give 100%.
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Father bans the child from something.
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He wants to protect the child.
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Boss shouts at member of staff.
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It is important to him that the tasks are completed.
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The conflict partner will approach me more willingly if I am prepared to recognise his intentions. This doesn’t mean that I accept the behaviour with which he tried to implement his intention.
However, the intent can often be accepted and form the basis for reconciliation.