dialogue sequences-survey

Preparation
Contact
Body language, non-verbal insults? Congruence of body and tone of voice? Hurting the person? Be aware of non-verbal changes and address them: I see that you lean back, so I have the impression that …               
Preparation questions
· What exactly are the initiators?
· Why do I want this dialogue? · What are the goals of the
 conversation?
· Am I the right person for this?
 Is it my job?
· What is my role in this talk? · What responsibility leads me
 to have this dialogue?   
 
 
 
Facts. What did I perceive/ observe?
Exception: non-authorised third party information. From hearsay (gift of blindness with regard to rumours, half-truths, intrigues) 
 
My estimations, my ideas         
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Room, time, duration.
 
Establishing contact, Smalltalk, „shake hands“  
 
 
Rapport: Body language, Tone of voice
 
Frame
Are there distractions from the topics? Does somebody produce any fog? Any secondary theatres? Wrong opening? Lost my line / am I off the agenda? Distractions by killer phrases?
 
 
 
Role
(personal, colleague, TRA) Cause: What is my intention?
 
Revealing myself: 
 
I speak to you as … I am a little bit nervous because it is a touchy issue,
 
I thought it over and over again. 
 
My intention/ my goal for today is ….
I want to speak about a topic that I have been putting off for a long time already…     
 
 
 
 
 
 
Create common ground
Did my partner get me right? Has he got the same „map“ in mind?
Past
Is it true that…                             I have the impression that..
 
Reaction:     yes   à       continue with agreement on goals
       
               No                      Yes, but                         Yes, but
Future
agreement on goals, evtl. on the road map
 
 
The road map must remain in the responsibility of the others, otherwise there is the danger of under-responsibility  
 
 
Evtl. resume of the talk.
 
Any remarks or questions left?
 
 
END:
What exactly is he next step: New date, next action
"No, not right" Denial 
Is the other one right? Was my "map" incomplete?
 
If not: Are you saying that I’m lying?   Agree on next meeting. Give concrete direction: What is essential for the next talk to have a leverage on the confrontation scale, Set facts!
Yes, but that is no problem…" Trivialising
 
Point out the importance by explaining the consequences.  
 
Give background information and explanations 
Yes, but the others …" Blaming and denial 
 
Attention: "Drama-Triangle": Persecutor-Victim-Saviour-games 
 
Clarify responsibilities and duties  
 
Careful: Avoid the “Saviour role“ Do consult, but do not take over responsibility
When things happened outside the boundaries: Getting personal, blaming,  secondary theatres… Reorientation on the topic, put off other topics to a later date if necessary. If cannot be delayed: Don’t forget main street along the detour.
 
If the contact (rapport) doesn’t work for a longer period: Ask “corkscrew questions”: I have the impression that…. Is there any hidden agenda standing between us? Are there any expectations of yours that did not come true or were not complied with?

Developed by Ulrich Grannemann

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